One message you hear again and again from the most successful coaches and leaders is that you shouldn’t waste your time and energy worrying about the things you have no control over. Instead, you should focus on only the things you CAN control—specifically, your effort and your attitude.
Some leaders present this concept as an equation: E + R = O. That is, Event + Response = Outcome.
While you don’t always control the Event, you do always control your Response and it’s how you Respond to an Event that determines your Outcome.
Six-time National Champion college football coach Nick Saban had this to say on the topic…
“Worry about the things you can control in your life, both professionally and personally. Don’t worry too much about whether or not people like you, and don’t get anxious about an impending situation. You can’t control these things.”
– Nick Saban, Six-Time National Champion College Football Coach
This quote reminds us that not only can uncontrollable events be an unwanted distraction, but so can uncontrollable people.
We’ve all experienced situations where people get upset with us and go out of their way to let us know about it. But you can’t let people like that be a distraction.
The fact is, there are all kinds of reasons someone might not like you—reasons that are often completely out of your control.
They might not like you because of a difficult decision you had to make, which they don’t agree with. (You can’t please everyone.)
They might not like you because of your religious or political beliefs.
They might not like you because of something they erroneously think you said or did (gossip can do so much unnecessary damage to relationships).
They might not like you because they’re jealous of you or because of how you look or where you live or what team you’re affiliated with.
They might simply wake up one morning and just decide, for no clear reason at all, they don’t like you.
For any number of uncontrollable reasons, some people aren’t going to like you and that’s simply a part of life. It’s how you respond to those people that determines the impact they will have on you.
You can respond by worrying why so-and-so doesn’t like you or stressing about how to change their mind. What did I do to make this person so upset with me? What can I do to fix it?
If there’s a legitimate misunderstanding or if you did something wrong to that person and need to make amends, by all means you should reach out and clear the air. But often times, there’s nothing you can do to change another person’s opinion. In these cases, the proper response is: move on and don’t worry about it.
In fact, you can’t afford to worry about it.
Worrying about another person’s opinion of you is a waste of time and energy that could be spent working on your professional goals or building relationships with the positive people in your life.
Don’t waste your resources on people who don’t like you for reasons you can do nothing about. Don’t waste effort trying to stoop to their level or “get even” with them. Don’t worry about all the things you might be able to do or say in an effort to change their opinion about you. Just move on and focus on the things that really matter.
In cases where there’s no clear or logical reason for someone being upset with you, remind yourself that their dislike of you is their problem, not yours.
Nick Saban also once said, “If you want to make everyone happy, don’t be a leader; sell ice cream.”
It’s another important reminder that you can’t please everyone. You can’t make everyone like you, your team, your family, your hometown, or anything else about you. And there’s nothing you can do about it. Accept it as a part of life and focus your attitude and effort on the people and goals that truly matter most to you.
THINK LIKE A CHAMPION:
“I focus on only the things I can control: my effort and my attitude in the present moment. I refuse to stress or worry about the negative people and events I have no control over.”
